SEXUAL ADDICTION: THE DEFINITION
Dr Mmamajoro Phalatsi-Shilubana, November 2020
The word “sexual addiction” although still not common, it is starting to be mentioned alongside other common addictions such as alcohol, and substance abuse. Do we even know what sexual addiction refers to? According to Weiss (2012), sexual addiction is defined as a dysfunctional preoccupation with sexual fantasy, often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non-intimate sex, pornography, compulsive masturbation, romantic intensity and objectifying a sex partner for a period of at least six months.
Herkov (2006) indicates that the best way to describe sexual addiction is as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.
Sexually addictive behaviours have to do with things such as being preoccupied with and unable to resist the urges to do certain behaviour, escalation of the behaviour over time, the inability to stop despite negative consequences and distress if prevented from engaging in the behavior (Hatch (2013).
The common thread between the above definitions is the progressiveness of the disorder and the obsession or the preoccupation with sex and related activities over time. In other words, sexual addiction is not instant, but is a process that can begin slowly and grow or increase in intensity as the addiction becomes worse. This is despite the dangers and the negative impact it may have on the addict and/or family members. According to Herkov (2006), over time the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behaviour to achieve the same results. Dr Elna McIntosh (in Makgalemele, 2006) mentions that “sexual obsessions and compulsions are recurrent, distressing and interfere with daily functioning”. Thus, for addicts, their lives are literally consumed by their desire to get a fix. It may therefore actually be disruptive and lead to an inability to perform other tasks optimally, such as work, interact with family, friends, etc.
The article by Weiss (2012), mentions the following as out of control repetitive behaviours which may reflect sexual addiction:
- Masturbation;
- Simultaneous or repeated sequential affairs;
- Pornography;
- Cyber-sex, phone sex;
- Multiple anonymous partners;
- Unsafe sexual activity;
- Partner sexualisation, objectification;
- Strip clubs and adult bookstores;
- Prostitution; and
- Sexual aversion.
From the above it is evident that sexual addiction may manifest itself in many ways, and to a lay-person it might be difficult to ascertain whether it is indeed sexual addiction or not. Kwee, Dominguez and Ferrel (2007) argue that sexual addiction is a disorder that exists but suffers from a lack of diagnostic clarity. According to Buffel
(2011, p.7), sexual addiction is described as the behaviour of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive and/or an obsession with sex. He further mentions that it is an addictive disease which, according to Laaser, (2004, p.15), “has existed for centuries and has been misnamed, mistreated, ignored or completely undiagnosed”.
According to Carnes (1994, p.9), for sexual addicts, an addictive experience progresses through a four-step cycle which intensifies with each repetition:
- Preoccupation – the trance or mood wherein the addict’s mind is completely engrossed with thoughts of sex;
- Ritualization – the addict’s own special routines which lead up to the sexual behaviour;
- Compulsive sexual behaviour – the actual sexual act, which is the end goal of the preoccupation and ritualization; and
- Despair – the feeling of utter hopelessness an addict has about his or her behaviour and powerlessness.
The following diagram represents what Carnes (1994) terms the addictive cycle. The same information has been modified by others, for example, the manual from Living Waters Canada on Pursuing Relational and Sexual Wholeness in Christ (2010), Edger (2012); however, the concept basically remains the same. For the purposes of
this article, the adapted diagram is presented as indicated in the Falling Forward manual (Lockwood, 2000, p.29).
Figure 1: The addictive cycle (Adapted from Carnes, 1994)
In conclusion, it stands to reason that efforts to define the concept of sexual addiction should take into account the fact that society is changing, and technology has an impact on the way the society behaves and responds to phenomena. Buffel (2011) asserts that it looks like sexual addiction is here to stay and the best that pastoral counsellors can do is to understand it and forever look for ways of journeying meaningfully and pastorally with God’s people as they struggle with sexual addiction and as they search for healing and liberation. The same applies to all men and women who are willing and available to walk along those who are struggling with sexual addiction and those affected by it.
References:
Buffel, O.A. (2011). A Pastoral Journey wrapped up in grace: Pastoral Counselling with sexual addicts in an African context. Testamentum Imperium: An International Theological Journal (3).
Carnes, P. (1994). Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Hazeldean.
Edger, K. (2012). Evangelism, sexual morality and sexual addiction: opposing views and continued conflicts. Journal of Religious Health, 51, pp.162-178.
Hatch, L. (2013). How to tell a Cheater from a sex addict. Available at: http://blogs.psycentral.com/sex-addiction. [Accessed 14 Oct 2016].
Herkov, M. (2006). What is sexual addiction? Available at: http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-sexual-addictions/000748. [Accessed 5 Nov 2015].
Kwee, A.W, Dominguez, A.W. and Ferrel, D. (2007). Sexual addiction and Christian College men: Conceptual, Assessment, and Treatment Challenges. Journal of Psychology and Christianity, No 1, pp.3-13.
Laaser, M.R. (2004). Healing the wounds of sexual addiction. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.
Lockwood, C.R. (2000). Falling Forward. The Pursuit of Sexual Purity. Desert Stream Press.
Makgalemele, T. (2006). When sex becomes an addiction. Saturday Star, 01 April, pp.10-11.
Weiss, R. (2012). Hypersexuality: Symptoms of Sexual addiction. Psych central. Available at: http://psychcentral.com/lib/hypersexuality-symptoms-of-sexual addiction/00011488. [Accessed 5 Nov 2013].